Going Into Week 4 On 150mg

This past week (the 3rd week) was the hardest I’ve had on the lower dose of Effexor. The first half was especially rough beginning on Wednesday the 29th. The nausea in the morning was so bad I couldn’t move, just lie on the floor. My eyes felt glued shut, like my body was forcing them to stay closed to survive. I started worrying that I might be pregnant, but that was an irrational fear that I refused to entertain. The nausea returned for a few more mornings, though it I headed it off by having a cup of ginger tea right away in the morning with breakfast. It helped, and I haven’t had nausea for the past few days.

I started to feel emotional symptoms, too. On Thursday, I cried in the morning about a dream and listened to “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles. The day got better after I Facetimed with my friend while her daughter took a nap. She’s the one who gave me the succulent in the photo above.

Those were the two things of note this past week. I experienced a lot of frustration and confusion about why the symptoms seemed to be getting worse, not better, but from what I’ve read online, that can happen. It’s all just part of the body adjusting. I’ve also been having a little nighttime anxiety about finances and not having nearly as much work as I would like. I’m looking for new gigs every day, but payments are low and a lot of the work isn’t relevant to my specialties. My plan is to work on what I have as efficiently as I can and then use the spare time to hunt for jobs,  work on short stories to submit to publications, and of course, work on my novel.

I’m planning on sticking to the two pills a day until September 12 and seeing how I feel.

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The Anticipation is Always Worse

 

My therapist is strongly considering retiring in a month.

When she told me, I was kind of in shock. I got that feeling in your sinuses like you’re going to cry, but I managed to just stare at her, unblinking, and triumphed over my emotions.

There’s always that initial feeling of selfishness. What? You’re leaving me? How dare you have a life outside of this office. One of the reasons she’s so good is probably because she’s been doing this for so long, so it makes sense that she’d be at the end of her career by the time I came along. 

Then comes disappointment. You’re leaving? Oh. That means I have to try and find someone else. Again. Liz was my fourth therapist.

The weirdest feeling is feeling like I’m losing a friend. They always say, “Therapists aren’t your friends,” and they’re right. They feel closer than friends, a lot of the time. You tell them things you haven’t told anyone, or tell them things before you tell your friends. They help ease your fears and encourage your successes. Liz is the first therapist I’ve felt completely comfortable with. I don’t want to let that go.

Anticipating hard things is always worse than the actual experience, at least to me. It’s much longer, that’s for sure.